The ray of sunshine in my life

I’ve made no secret that my mental health has taken me on a bit of a roller coaster of late, and my physical health hasn’t been much better with some sort of head cold, tonsillitis, bleugh kinda bug. My poor baby boy has had to look after himself for the last few weeks while his mummy lies on the couch coughing and spluttering and blowing grotesque amounts of mucus from her nose. And d’ya know what? It hasn’t bothered him once.

This is either a complete compliment as it means my baby boy is literally that angel that we all think our own children to be, or that I’m just a crap mum at the best of times so he hasn’t noticed any difference, haha!  Honestly the latter isn’t applicable though. As much as I doubt myself, I don’t doubt my mothering skills. I by no means think I’m a perfect mum, a ‘parenting expert’ or anything special, but I know my boy is well looked after.

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Seeing him get on with it has made me so proud, I really am raising a special boy. Again, I don’t think its all me, I’m not looking to take credit. Its him, he’s naturally a good boy, happy to explore and not need constant attention, able to communicate his needs without having cause a meltdown for either one of us, confident in himself. I really am proud of us both if I say so myself!

I know people bragging about their babies can get boring but honestly he is the one constant positive in my life, surely I’m allowed to talk about the one things that never fails to make me happy??

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He is currently sat taking his lego blocks out of their bag and then putting them back in. I can’t help but watch in awe; the amount of concentration he is using, how precise he is, how gently he moves. It’s just amazing to watch, wondering what is going through his little brain, what that sponge-like organ is absorbing right now. Watching my tiny person growing into a real human being has been nothing but a pleasure so far!

He is almost 14mths now so I don’t expect this perfection to last, I’m sure his slight imperfections will start appearing soon; his tantrums, stubbornness, want of more all the time. Things that all babies experience at some point on their journey to learn how to be, how to communicate effectively, boundaries. Still, I’m sure he will manage to shock me from time to time! But for now he looks at me with as much love and adoration as I do him.

It’s amazing to feel like I’ve achieved something so huge though. I have felt like I have failed at everything, I was expecting to fail at motherhood. Obviously there is still plenty of time to do so, but I’m confident I’m doing ok so far :-)

Ramblings of a fearful fool (at 1am!)
Dad 'n' lad

2 thoughts on “The ray of sunshine in my life

  1. Sam Sims

    Beautifully written. I often find myself just staring at our son and thinking the same thing. They are just amazing wonderful little things, which we made! He is a complete credit to you and you are doing a great job. Oh, and he is just gorgeous. xx

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