Introducing the boyfriend to the child…

I talk a lot about single parenting, it’s still all pretty new to me and with my mental health being an issue, it is a significant part of my life. One thing I don’t talk about often is the fact that I am in a relationship that is progressively moving forward, hopefully one day resulting in new members of the family, and me and J having someone to support us and share our memories with.¬†Introducing the boyfriend to the child was a big deal for us, but thankfully I think we handled it as well as we could’ve done…

Thankfully Neil and J get on like a house on fire, and seeing them together gives me so much hope for the future. They read together, play trains together, I’ve even walked in the room to find them dancing to Hotline Bling together!! I can leave Neil to look after J with no worries now, they know each other pretty well and it’s safe to say they adore each other. Whenever J knows Neil is at the door he runs shouting his name, he gets so excited!

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It’s always going to be a big deal introducing the boyfriend and the child to each other, but the less drama and fuss made, the better. We didn’t make a big deal of Neil straight away; he would arrive at the house a few minutes before J was due to go to his dad’s, the first few meetings were just fleeting meetings between them. Neil would pull tongues at J as he was leaving which had him in hysterics, from there it all happened pretty naturally.

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I can’t even remember the first time Neil came for tea while J was here, we really did play the whole thing down. I didn’t try to get J to talk to Neil or play with him, I just left him to do his own thing. Neil didn’t try too hard either, he left J to come to him instead of forcing his presence upon him. I also made sure that me and Neil were never too deep in conversation or lovey-dovey in front of J, and just let J get used to him being around. He would come for tea once a night for the first few months after them meeting, and J slowly became more and more comfortable with Neil and got to know him.

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Now the pair of them are inseparable when they’re together, and I have never seen any signs of J feeling jealous because he gets just as much attention as I do from Neil, if not more at times! Going out with the two of them is no issue at all; I know that Neil will help me look after J, keep him entertained if I am busy, encourage him to eat nicely if he takes us for a meal, sing with him in the car, look after him if I need to take a call or need the loo.

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It’s an amazing feeling to see the two guys I love so much get on so well themselves. They’re both an important figure in my life and to know they get on so well gives me hope for the future. I’m so glad with the way we’ve handled it, both of them have done so well considering neither of them have ever been put in that situation. I think there will be ‘phases’ in the future where J will try to push the boundaries with Neil and see what he can get away with, but I think Neil is confident enough to deal with it now.

It’s nice to think someone is so accepting of my situation and that there really is hope for me in the future, that someone can find it in them not only to love me, but love my son too…

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32 thoughts on “Introducing the boyfriend to the child…

  1. hijackedbytwins

    It is such a big step to make. I remember meeting up with the hubby to introduce him to Joseph after we started seeing each other. I remember the hubby not saying much as he didn’t want J to feel pushed out and I remember sitting on the picnic blanket watching them both running around with a football and thinking “yes he is the one!”. Now he is J’s dad, the only dad that he has ever know and all that he will need. Arrr you’ve got e sat here feeling all emotional!!! I totally get what you say about having someone that get you and accepts your little man. It is special and I know how much it means xx

    1. Ally Post author

      It’s lovely isn’t it? Thankfully J still has his dad involved but it’s nice for him to have another person to love him. I’m so glad your family has worked out, you’re all so gorgeous! X

  2. Blogging Mummy

    My friend is just going through the introducing stage and its such a BIG thing. She has a little girl aged 8 so she is fully aware of everything. I am so glad that all is going so well as for for little children this can be very unsettling cant it. I love the pictures of the both of them together how cute. xx

  3. Zoe Alicia

    I find it stressful enough having to introduce my boyfriend to the family, God only knows what I’d be like if I had my own child as well! So glad it all went super well – you deserve it :) x

    1. Ally Post author

      Thank you! It’s a stressful thing, you know that if they don’t like each other that’s the end of the line for your relationship, such a lot riding on it x

  4. Sarah HP

    This is such a great post and it’s so lovely to see their relationship grow. It’s not something I’ve ever though how I would handle but I think the gentle, gradual approach that you have gone for makes a lot of sense. I imagine a big forced introduction would be really high pressure for everyone. Love the computer game photo!

  5. traceycwilliams

    Oh Ally this is such a lovely post to read. The 2 men in your life sound as if they have a fantastic relationship, and I love the picture of J looking at Neil playing video games. Whoever sits on the floor and plays video games has to be cool right. So pleased for you hun x

  6. Harriet from Toby & Roo

    This is something that always worries me if I were to separate from my husband and find someone I wanted to share my time with. I really feel that no one can love some one else’s children as well as they can but then you see people moving on and making a new family together and I begin to wonder if that perception is wrong. This is a beautiful post, one that I have no doubt anyone in that position could relate to. Lovely. H x

    1. Ally Post author

      I was terrified at the thought of it. When I split from my husband I thought that was it, I wrote myself off completely. I definitely didn’t think I would find someone not only so accepting, but so willing and eager to love Josh, not just because he felt he should but because he wants to. xx

  7. My Little Babog Blog

    Huge step! A scary one too. I did it too. My first child has a different daddy to my two other children (and one pending). Like you we played it down, didn’t force anything on her. He lives with us now obvs and is a brilliant ‘father figure’ (but not her daddy, she already has an amazing one). Beautiful post!

  8. dadblogukJohn Adams

    Fascinating post to read as I am a stepson. I can’t actually remember my mother introducing me to her then boyfriend, later husband. I remember him calling round to collect her from the house before they went on a date once, but that’s all. Must have done something similar to you I guess. Seems like you have taken the wisest approach. Good to see you returned to blogging too!

    1. Ally Post author

      Thanks John. I’m hoping the fact that we’ve slowly ‘weaned’ him into hos life means it has had minimal impact and shock factor! Thanks, I’m loving being back :) x

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