I talk a lot about single parenting, it’s still all pretty new to me and with my mental health being an issue, it is a significant part of my life. One thing I don’t talk about often is the fact that I am in a relationship that is progressively moving forward, hopefully one day resulting in new members of the family, and me and J having someone to support us and share our memories with. Introducing the boyfriend to the child was a big deal for us, but thankfully I think we handled it as well as we could’ve done…
Thankfully Neil and J get on like a house on fire, and seeing them together gives me so much hope for the future. They read together, play trains together, I’ve even walked in the room to find them dancing to Hotline Bling together!! I can leave Neil to look after J with no worries now, they know each other pretty well and it’s safe to say they adore each other. Whenever J knows Neil is at the door he runs shouting his name, he gets so excited!
It’s always going to be a big deal introducing the boyfriend and the child to each other, but the less drama and fuss made, the better. We didn’t make a big deal of Neil straight away; he would arrive at the house a few minutes before J was due to go to his dad’s, the first few meetings were just fleeting meetings between them. Neil would pull tongues at J as he was leaving which had him in hysterics, from there it all happened pretty naturally.
I can’t even remember the first time Neil came for tea while J was here, we really did play the whole thing down. I didn’t try to get J to talk to Neil or play with him, I just left him to do his own thing. Neil didn’t try too hard either, he left J to come to him instead of forcing his presence upon him. I also made sure that me and Neil were never too deep in conversation or lovey-dovey in front of J, and just let J get used to him being around. He would come for tea once a night for the first few months after them meeting, and J slowly became more and more comfortable with Neil and got to know him.
Now the pair of them are inseparable when they’re together, and I have never seen any signs of J feeling jealous because he gets just as much attention as I do from Neil, if not more at times! Going out with the two of them is no issue at all; I know that Neil will help me look after J, keep him entertained if I am busy, encourage him to eat nicely if he takes us for a meal, sing with him in the car, look after him if I need to take a call or need the loo.
It’s an amazing feeling to see the two guys I love so much get on so well themselves. They’re both an important figure in my life and to know they get on so well gives me hope for the future. I’m so glad with the way we’ve handled it, both of them have done so well considering neither of them have ever been put in that situation. I think there will be ‘phases’ in the future where J will try to push the boundaries with Neil and see what he can get away with, but I think Neil is confident enough to deal with it now.
It’s nice to think someone is so accepting of my situation and that there really is hope for me in the future, that someone can find it in them not only to love me, but love my son too…