I try to not constantly write whiny posts as I know it gets boring and self-pity is an ugly trait to have, but I don’t write to appeal to the thousands, I write as an outlet for myself and hopefully for those who can resonate so they know they’re not alone. Unfortunately I have another one coming as Mother’s day as a single parent can be hard going and I’m feeling it. I’ve had the feeling of isolation again lately even without this and it’s really becoming a major issue for me; the more I feel isolated the more I isolate myself through lack of self-motivation, if that makes any sense? And with Mother’s day coming up I can’t help but want to curl up and hide for a few days.
Mother’s day is a great day, I love that we get to spoil the mother figure in our life, whether it be our actual mother, adopted mother, our single dad, our grandmother or even a sister. I’d like to hope that while not everyone will have their mother, they will all have had the pleasure of a mother figure. I do feel for those who have lost their mother figure and I appreciate it can also be a difficult day for them.
Why am I feeling isolated? Single parenting again of course… While I talk about the positives of single parenting (there are a lot of them, don’t get me wrong), there are definite downsides, this occasion being one of them. I won’t get any presents, I won’t get a lie in, the chance to have a warm cup of tea, have someone to cook my tea or a day off from housework. The day will be the same as any other for me… I will be up at 6am as every other day and having to sort the washing and the dishes from the night before (when I plan to spoil my mum to her Mother’s day meal).
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that my days are bad or even difficult, it’s just a little isolating knowing I have to get through it on my own. I don’t want thanks and glory for being a mum, I just want to know that someone is there for me, know that someone wants to look after me from time-to-time.
I don’t think I would’ve felt as lonely about it all had the last few weeks not been hard on my own… Firstly I’ve had the dramas from his nursery to deal with and then he’s been well so I’ve been stuck in the house with him alone for a week, it would be nice to have someone come home to us at the end of each day and ask how we are, make a cuppa and just give me some company when J goes to bed. Neil comes every now and again but in the meantime it’s just me and J, and I think he gets bored with me!!!
If you read my blog often you will notice that any ‘holidays’ or commercial days are a trigger for me, I don’t like them and I find them hard to deal with. I don’t mean to piddle on everyone else’s parade and I hope everyone out there has a lovely Mother’s day! I myself will be making the most of the time with my boy and giving myself some TLC, and I will hopefully squeeze some extra cuddles from him which makes everything perfect!!