Hi, it’s me! I’m still alive in case anyone wondered. Apologies for disappearing for so long, but I needed a break from blogging. To be honest at one point I never wanted to do it again, but I’ve decided to dip my toe back into the blogging world for various reasons, which to be honest I can’t be arsed going into as I’ve already so much else to say!
I firstly want to thank everyone for their ongoing support in the last 4 years since I started my blog; even though I’ve not been writing I’ve still remembered all the times I’ve got through difficult patches because of the amazing encouragement and words of love and kindness. Also thanks to all the haters too, your trolling has done wonders for my stats at times!
I should give you a little update as to where I am in my life, as those who have followed through the years have known it’s not been easy for me! I’m happy to say I’m in the most positive place I’ve ever been and couldn’t be happier and prouder with myself for achieving my goals and dreams (could I sound any cheesier?!). J is doing amazing, he’s still the best thing that happened to me. But now I also have the best boyfriend I could have ever wished for, who treats me right and worships the ground I walk on (the complete opposite to the last if you remember!). J adores him, my parents adore him, my friends adore him… I haven the got a bad word to say about him. (Oh hang on, I take that back, the selfish git refuses to make me a brew as it’s the one job he hates. We were a match made in heaven til I discovered this major flaw).
Thankfully I’ve moved away from Beirut, or what seemed like it at times, to a lovely little house by the beach, and on the other side of the Mersey, hurrah! I live in an area surrounded by footballers and various other celebs and rich people, so I’m like a fish out of water in my tiny little box house, but I’m happy for J as it’ll be a much nicer place to grow up. The beach is our back garden, there are daffodils everywhere we look and my local pub is one I can go to and enjoy without worrying whether or not I’m going to make it out alive.
And I’m also happy to say I have a job I love, that I actually think I’m good at (big thing to say for someone with such low confidence so I hope I’m right!). I’m a one-to-one teaching assistant in an SEN school, something I worked towards previously if you remember any of my past posts. The place I work, the people I work with, the student I work with… it’s all great so I’m feeling lucky to be a part of it all!
My mental health… I still struggle with it but it’s better than I’ve ever been. My anxiety still flares up from time to time, but thankfully with no bouts of depression for almost a year now. My self-esteem is getting better slowly but surely but I can’t imagine I’ll ever completely get rid of that self-loathing beast inside of me. It’s still there but I’m training the other voices to drown them out (I’ve come to the acceptance that I’ll never be ‘normal’ and writing this makes me realise that’s for the best, lol!).
We’re currently undergoing some assessments to see if J is autistic, it’s looking highly likely that he is but being in my job I feel like I can give him the support he needs. This one needs a post of its own though, a paragraph wouldn’t be enough for me to tell you the reasons why and the feelings and emotions that have come with it.
So yeah, there’s me right now! Happy, healthy and living a whole new life! It would have been nice to have blogged throughout the journey but I didn’t want the added pressure, but hopefully I can keep blogging at a nice steady pace, without the stress of stats and charts and all that jazz. So on that note I shall see you again soon!!