I wanted to give a proper update on my mental state, the ongoing battle with me and anxiety, as lets face it, that’s why people read this; they want to know that someone else out there is bat shit crazy to make them look normal. I’m the idiot willing to show off all my flaws to give others that boost, that giggle, whatever they get from reading about my craziness.
I couldn’t be honest when blogging for a long time because of the relationship I was in, it was having a huge impact on my mental state but because I was still in it I wasn’t able to be honest on here. It kind of felt pointless blogging as honesty was always my strong point when writing.
I’m in a much better place now, as I said in my comeback post; I’ve relocated, found a new man and am in a new job that I love. I shook up my whole life to give myself a fresh new beginning and thankfully it’s turned out for the best. But the beast will still always be there and I’m slowly learning to deal with it.
I was off work with anxiety a few weeks back because it flared up pretty badly, I think all the changes, although positive, triggered it. I still have moments of anxiety flare ups that I can deal with, with the amount of counselling I’ve done I feel ready to be able to face the world and deal with what it throws at me. But this one week it did get too much for me to be able to deal with.
I worked hard on it and returned to work the next week, with loads of support from colleagues. I’ve been honest about my mental health from the beginning and they’ve been great in work. There have been times when I’ve struggled with friendships there but thankfully my work mates are really supportive and have stuck with me through any mini-meltdowns.
I will never be without my moments of anxiety and insecurities, I’m realising that now and really coming to accept it. I’m trying to ride through the hard times as I know they’ll always pass, sometimes within a few hours, sometimes it might take a day or two, but they always pass. I’m learning to enjoy the happy times and really appreciate what I have achieved. I’m really happy for the first time in years